My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
