Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.