Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
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I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
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I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.