im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon