I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.