I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
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I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
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How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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