"it" just moved
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
