What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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