I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
