Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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