I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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