Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
