well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
