Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
