Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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