obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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