So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dating After Heartbreak
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"