my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?