i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
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Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one