Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
