I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
