my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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