C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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