i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the day after is always just damage control
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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