Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
