I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
