THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
