Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
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As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
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drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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