You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My life is pants optional.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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