Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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