I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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