I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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