went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
