yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
