she was so not down for the gang bang
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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