the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
