That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
