and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
