i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
