I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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