i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit