she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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