wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch