I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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