Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize