it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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