She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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