Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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