she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Quick, to the slutcave!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
