She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think people are normalizing furries
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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