1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
