Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
