forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
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Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
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Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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