I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
