in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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