he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
