I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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