Define "chronic" masturbator.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
