how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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