mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
