the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
