Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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