Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
