just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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