The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize