her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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