I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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