apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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